There is no future in the past

Recently, I have been sought out by an ex. He apparently thinks I am his sounding board. I did not ask for this. Honestly…I do not care to read any journal entries as he tries to sort out his life. I truly do not care. Going on four decades and he still can’t get over the past? That isn’t my problem. I am not his family. I am not his friend. We are not together. I live on the West Coast. He lives on the East Coast. I like it this way. If all my exes would move to the East Coast, that would be fantastic! Or Alaska. I highly doubt I will ever visit Alaska. I would like to see the East Coast though. So maybe one ex ruining the East Coast is enough. He talks about “death do us part” and how he believed in our vows and that they meant something. I am unsure what he is referring to when he talks about death….is he suicidal? I am unsure. I do not suffer from any mental illnesses so I am unsure what he means when he says this. I’m mostly worried that he will show up in my driveway and have in his head that the only way we shall part is through our deaths. There seems to be a lot of murder-suicides showing up on the news lately. Should I be afraid? I don’t think he will harm me…he’ll probably only harm himself. I’m bummed that I had to block calls and texts from him…why couldn’t “leave me alone” be enough? Why do some people feel entitled to ignore your requests?

What I want to focus on is….here is a man who is stuck in the past….his future has not unfolded because he is wrapped up in something that never was. And most people who have suffered a trauma seem to be stuck in the past…either reliving the moment in time in which the trauma occurred or accusing their current relationship of the things that they themselves were accused of long, long ago. Stuck in a vicious loop…unable to move forward. Most people seem to treat their trauma with meds. I believe this to be a bad choice for a lot of people. It is a bandaid….numbing you from the pain you feel…it does not fix anything…it just allows you to exist but never thrive. But…since we are all here due to our choosing and we are living our lives through our own freewill…it isn’t up to me how someone gets through their daily existence.

For those who spend their days reliving their past….what are you gaining? How much time are you spending looking back instead of looking forward? How can you ever create new experiences when you keep bringing up things that have already happened? Just because some trauma happened does not mean the same thing is going to keep happening. You should be able to make better choices now because you have experience in living through this trauma. This is what we are supposed to do with life experiences…LEARN.

My life was turned upside down one time. I was in shocked for several months…trying to figure out what I did wrong or where I failed to see what was happening behind the scenes. I never figured it out but I still had to move on, right? Instead of spiraling into a depression, I chose to treat my chaos using a book called “Walking Your Blues Away” by Thom Hartmann. The process boils down to something similar to hypnosis but swinging your arms while walking creates a similar effect….the back and forth…one side of your brain talking to the other side of your brain…back and forth….allowing you to make your trauma “flat” so it does not give you the fight or flight syndrome. It is a very interesting process and it worked for me. On top of teaching me how to accept my current state of living, I lost a lot of weight from all of the walking. There are a lot of non-invasive treatments out there for depression and other types of trauma. You have to try them to see if they will work for you. If you make a judgement on a type of treatment without trying it out for several months….you just end up with an OPINION based upon nothing but your OPINION. Nothing fact based, which is really of no value to anyone. Opinions are like assholes…everyone has one. Is your opinion valuable to anyone if it has no facts to back it up? Nope.

How about Biofeedback? A fantastic treatment that can help those who have suffered emotional and physical traumas. You are exchanging your feeling about a trauma with another feeling that does not bring fear into your head…similar to Walking Your Blues Away…you are making the trauma flat, so it does not have an effect on you when you think about it. See…your brain does not know what is real and what isn’t…so you can change your story and live a better life.

If I can change my story, you can too. You just have to keep searching until you find the right treatment for you. Preferably something that does not have you ingesting man-made drugs on a daily basis.

I love you. Please take care of yourself.

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