…”it” meaning…the family fighting. When my dad passed away in July and we had his services in August, I was a little surprised who showed up. I had not seen a few of them since 2009. We talked like civil beings. And laughed. I know more people wanted to be there than those who showed up but that is how life works sometimes. I realized that all this family fighting started with two women who didn’t want to be told what to do. One was pushing her son to “do the right thing” and the other did something so she wouldn’t have to take care of her sisters anymore. And this is where it all started. My niece and nephew were like the siblings I never had, mainly because my brothers were so much older than I was and they were never around to play with. My niece is only four years younger than I and my nephew…heck, I am fully unsure of his age but it is closer to my age than further away. So we spent each day together. I am unsure when the word “favoritism” started to pop up but it always does when you have an uneven number of kids hanging out together. As life went on, divorces happened, accusations were tossed about, we moved away to another state and I no longer had my “siblings”. My life went on. My niece and nephew’s lives went on too but not like I assumed they would.

Events happened to my niece and nephew that, more than likely, would not have happened if we had not moved away. Why? Because those two were always with me. If we had not moved, they would have been with me and their grandparents and life probably would not have dealt them the cards that they got.

Fast forward to the future and my brother, my niece and nephew’s dad, developed Alzheimer’s Disease at the age of 54. As it progressed, he needed more care than could be given from home. His angry outbursts, his massive size, reliving the Vietnam War, his loss of memory and not being able to operate a fork played a part in him landing in a facility. He landed in several homes and a stint in a mental health facility before the doctors could get his medications correct and keep him calm. By then, one matriarch was attacking the other for not handing over “inheritance” to his kids and the other matriarch was trying to come up with almost 10k a month for her sons care. This fight was the straw that broke the family dynamic. It had been degrading since my brother’s diagnosis but upon his death, the greed came out and somehow, the three amigos landed in the middle being forced by the matriarchs to choose sides.

When my dad died, I was tasked to clean out his home. It is still being done and there is so much to take care of. During this purge of his home, I have come across letters from the young matriarch to the elder one accusing her of causing divorces, dark “secrets” and just shit talking and letters from the elder matriarch to Senators and the like, begging for help with paying for her sons care. Each wanted to help their children; both of their hands tied due to the lack of a will from a man who no longer was of sound mind.

My mom passed away years ago, so I do not have to worry about anymore letters being sent from the younger matriarch. The young matriarch is older now and has the same disease that the elder matriarch passed away from. One day she will be gone too and maybe, just maybe, the three amigos can become one again.

Be kind to one another.

Peace out homies.