…what are you going to do with yours?

Many of us make plans and goals of following through with what we didn’t follow through on LAST year…that word: resolution. Resolution = a firm decision to do or not do something. I wonder who came up with this resolution idea? And…why? 

Each day, I receive a barrage of email…99.9% of it, I care nothing about. It still comes to my Inbox regardless. I have tried unsubscribing from any that I am uninterested in but they seem to creep back in…slowly. I started noticing that, in most of the subject lines, it used words like…broken, depressed, struggling, suicidal, inferior, weak, etc. I’m like…wtf? Are we being programmed to BE broken, depressed, struggling, etc? I think so. I saw NOTHING positive in any of the subject lines. Someone was trying to sell me something to “fix” me. Personally, I don’t feel broken. Or depressed. Or struggling. Have I been broken, depressed or struggling sometimes? Yes. But I worked through it. I did not rely on someone else to get me over the canyon that I had to cross. I did it myself. I did this by remembering who I was. I did not transform…I REMEMBERED. When I was born, I was born perfect. Over time, people told me differently. For some reason, I believed them. As I got older, it became more ingrained into my self and I just assumed that being broken was the new normal. And maybe that is the agenda. Weak people are easy to control. I used to be weak until I realized that…in the end, I only have myself to rely on. I cannot expect anyone to be there for me. I only have myself. I need to be strong for myself. I need to be kind to myself. I need to honor my own hurt.

Many years ago, a relationship I was in dissolved. I never expected it to end. I was unaware that there was a problem. Apparently the “problem” was that, I never changed. I can still recall the words….”I didn’t like you after the first year but I was hoping you would change.” No one ever said what I was supposed to change to….but….we had been dating for 7 or 8 years….I never understood why they didn’t break up with me after a year of dating…why would someone let whatever they were hoping for drag on for years of not getting what they were looking for? Does not make sense to me. I often wondered what changes they were hoping for but I eventually came to the conclusion that they will never be happy in life and that is THEIR problem. Do you know how I was able to heal from this relationship? By walking. I walked. And walked. And walked. For HOURS sometimes. I used a method found in the book, Walking Your Blues Away by Thom Hartmann. It worked for me. I am grateful that it did.

I no longer make “resolutions”. I am living day to day now…because, honestly, that is all we truly have. We don’t know if tomorrow will ever come and remembering the past is a waste of time unless you are learning something from it. Maybe this year….just love yourself. Forget about others and their goals for you…and don’t make any goals except to love yourself just as you are. Spend one year loving yourself as you are. See how you feel at the end of this year. Do things that make you happy. Sip the wine. Eat the cake. Run that marathon. Pet the dog. Jump in the puddle. Dance in the grocery store aisle. Sing off key. Laugh more. Love life. Stop…and watch the birds…smell the roses….walk in the wet grass barefoot….touch the tree bark…listen to the bees….let me know how you feel on December 31st.