…has its ups and downs. Trying to sell items but also trying to create items. Do you create items that sell or do you create items that come from your heart? Is it possible to create from the heart AND they sell???

Yesterday afternoon I was finishing an item for the next art auction and I was thinking…how did I end up here? Did I always want to be an artist? Did I ever even WANT to be an artist? Why did I start creating art? And it hit me…I was, currently, working on something because I, honestly, had nothing else to do. Yes, there are chores and the shit of life that needs to get done but I knew I needed to get this one item done and off my plate.

When I was growing up, my parents both worked and my youngest brother was 12 years old than I. He was never around and when he was around, it’s not like he had anything to do with me, you know? He was a teenager and had no use for a little sister in his way. Most of my life I have been alone. I have a niece and nephew that I grew up with but they had their own lives and I do not recall ever doing art or anything like that with them. They were like the siblings I never had (around) but they always had to go home eventually. I think art was a way to keep myself occupied so I wouldn’t feel so alone. If your mind is busy, then it cannot think of other things…like being alone. I had few friends because I liked to read books, got excellent grades in school and never was into sports or group activities. People don’t want to hang out with people who are not part of the herd or flock. While I was sad about it at the time, I realize now that it probably set me up to be more stable as an adult. I don’t feel the need to keep up with anyone else and I honestly am not jealous of anything anyone else has.

So in reality, I am creating art because it is a way to pass the time. Some of it sells…the rest gets put in a box for the future. I create while I wait to be needed by someone. Maybe they need my help. Maybe they just need someone to take their bad day out on. There are many of those days in my life. No idea how I got so fucking lucky in that avenue. Must be my high tolerance level that I have built up over the years.

Maybe some day I shall create art because it makes me happy to create.


~peace out homies~