My sister’s eyes

Mia eyes

My sister and I, we have the same eyes. Well..not the same eyes but the same eye color. We also share the same birth mother. Sometimes the same hair style too. And that is where it ends with us. She would not know any of this as we had a falling out many years ago. I do not remember what year it was but I believe it was 2009. You see, I said some not so nice things to my sister, I was so tired of hearing how she was handling things in her life, how she portrayed everything wrong in her life as being someone else’s fault, how everyone else’s view point was wrong and I broke down and told her so. Sadly, she has never spoken to me or tried to make contact with me since that day. Apparently, she got the “hold a grudge” gene of the family. At the time, I was not very knowledgeable of mental illnesses and my sister has been diagnosed with many. I do not recall what all they were but they required many medications for her to function in life. She has three children and I cannot imagine trying to deal with mental illness and children at the same time. I know many people do but I do not know how I would be able to do it. Some of her meds made her almost catatonic, which was odd to see and be around. I know she tried her best, or as best as her meds would allow, in raising her children, managing a home and trying to figure out what she wanted to do in life. Sometimes mental illness does not help you do this well. Today though, I have much more insight on mental illness as I have worked with, been married to and helped others who suffer from mental illness. I have more compassion and adaptability to being around someone who suffers from a mental illness. Sometimes my sister posts a new photo of herself on her public Facebook profile. Only one time have I seen a photo of her that she appears to be truly happy in. I private messaged her when I saw this photo…she was so beautiful while standing outside and she looked so vibrant and happy to be alive…but she bitch slapped me with her response. You see, both my sister and I are adoptees. Same biological mother, different biological fathers. We each were raised and nurtured differently.  Each had different religions put in front of us, each had different traumas to occur, which helped form who we are to this day.  When I was searching for my bio-mom, I found out I had a half sister who had been put up for adoption like me. We each were searching for our bio-mom for different reasons. I do not think either one of us were expecting what we found. But…it is what it is and we had closed part of the circle of biological family.

I have two nephews and one niece through my sister. I would love to see them today, as they were very small the first and only time I have seen them.  But my sister would never allow any contact with them after we had a falling out. I wrote letters to the oldest two and sent them to their father in hopes he would give them to them. He did and my sister got pissed. See…she was treating her children like some divorced people do…they decide the viewpoint the children will have based upon their own perceptions of something. The children are not allowed to make a decision on their own and some divorcees feed their children a one-sided view. Maybe some day my niece and nephews will want to meet me and have a relationship. I think more than likely it will not happen. After hearing a one sided version of something for many years, it becomes a truth. Since they know no other version, it is one that will stick with them.  I suppose that not caring can play a role too. I am only a blood relative and since they were not raised to value that, it will not have value to them.  Maybe when they are older….they will get curious and come in search for me.

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