…when I retired. I really did. I had in my mind I would have 11 more hours of waking time to use….and I suppose, I DO but….I thought it would be more like 11 hours to goof off and not have any responsibilities. But…as a grown-up….there are so many responsibilities to tend to. I know that my 11 hours that I thought I would have will be given back to me someday. My lack of time is being used towards a means to an end. Moving to Wyoming. I have never lived in Wyoming. I bet I will like it though….for the most part anyways. I am accomplishing what I truly wanted to do when I was retired. I am purging material items. It is HARD to do this purging thing. Not that I am not good at getting rid of stuff but I am going through things and then after a week, I go through the box again. That gives me time to not be so impulsive and think about keeping something that I have not used yet or that I rarely use. I know I would like to keep a lot of keepsakes but to what end? None of them mean anything to my daughter and she will more than likely be the one who has to deal with all my crap when I cross over to the other side. I don’t want that for her. She has enough on her plate as it is. But then again, maybe she doesn’t have that much on her plate and I just think she does.

On top of purging my own items, I have my parents home to deal with too. My dad does not live there and there is so much “stuff” that is sitting there collecting dust. My aunty keeps it all clean but to what end? Until my dad passes away and we give it all to Goodwill? I am at a loss of what to do with the stuff, so I am letting it sit for a while…contemplating who might need something that is in the house. I think it is a little difficult for me to accept that I have two places to deal with but I guess, the situation is what I make of it, right? We all have free will and I can do what I want with it, when I want to.

But I digress….I really thought I would have more time! I hope you have more time in your life. Time to do what you want. Time to do what you must.

is a most healing thing. It blows away the past and brings in the future….it swirls around your body…healing winds to help your mind heal. A gentle wind brings back sweet memories…let them linger a while…then it whisks them away for another day. A brisk wind helps pivot you in the direction you need to go…pushing you into the day as you get tasks done. A wild wind swirling…building in crescendo….unleashes the anger and pain…screaming into the wind releases it from your body…carrying it away to power something or someone else wherever it lands.

I love all manners of wind…wind is like emotion…coming and going depending on the day…depending on those who you meet or avoid…one of Earth’s powers available for you to harness and use..for good or bad…dark or light…but mind you….wind has a mind of its own…be prepared to bend in the wind like the willow…

Can you withstand the storm if one comes? Wind can snap trees off…can snap you in two…but will it be your end? Don’t forget you have roots. Nourish them…allow them to grow deeply…this is your foundation…a way to remain steadfast in a storm.

The breeze is a most healing thing….

and we don’t even know it. We go through the daily motions of life and seem to miss the fact that they are the same motions…day in and day out. This can be comforting most times…not having to think about anything…just get up and repeat the day, every day. I’ve done this…I still do this a lot…less, now that I do not have to be at a work place Monday through Friday and some weekends. I have been in a type of job that is very left brain oriented for over 30 years. That is not a bad thing but I have weakened the right side of my brain and it is time to get it stronger. I have been away from many things that I enjoyed doing because of my job or the belief system that it was my responsibility to take care of others. I realize now that I short-changed a lot of people from their life learning experiences by helping them have an easier life.

I was fortunate enough yesterday to talk to a friend whom I have never talked to in person before. Her name is Faith. She has many of the same interests as I. During our conversation, she brought to light many things that may have had an impact on how I think or perceive things. She brought to light some things I have never even thought about. By the time we hung up, I had had many ah ha moments. I think it is good to talk to people who are not in your close-knit circle because they can see things from a different perspective.

As I said, she has some of the same interests as mine and I needed help in finding another way of doing something. I have had training to do my task but I was failing to accomplish it, so I thought…maybe there is another way of doing it. Come to find out, I didn’t need a new way to do something, I was seeing it from a left brain way (masculine) and not my right brain (feminine). Faith helped point this out to me. She pointed out many other things too and I feel like…I have a new lease on my life. She gave me new words to use and homefun (she hates the word homework…no one likes homework). I have already started the homefun. I really needed the push in the right direction. I hope now, once I accomplish this feminine strengthening and re-focus, I will be able to do my task well and proficiently (oops…that sounds waaaay too masculine)…I will be able to help people who need the help and do it well enough that they will benefit from my guidance.

Do you have anything in your life that you feel stuck in? Maybe talking to someone who is not part of your family, friends or tribe will benefit you. If you listen to your gut when you meet someone, you will find the one who will be able to help you on your next path in life.

Sha-La-Ma-Loke, my friends

…every day. You can start over every day. Just because you feel that you failed at something doesn’t mean you can’t try harder the next day. If you fail the next day, then try harder the next day. Remember this: There is no failure, only feedback. Each day is a new page in your book of life. You are the one who is writing it. YOU get to choose the words, the tone, the length….it’s all about YOU and YOUR experiences while living your current incarnation. You were given this life incarnation with the blessing of Free Will.

How do you exercise your free will? Do you allow others to tell you what to do? How to do it? Listen to what others have to say but listen to your gut for what your response, if you even need to give a response, should be. Free will is a hot commodity. There are some people who don’t want you to have free will. Keep it safe. Don’t let anyone take it away from you. Some people will try to guilt you into listening to them. Your free will will help you make decisions that are right for YOU. Sometimes you must make hard decisions in order to keep your free will. Sometimes your free will will tell you to agree with whatever you are faced…and that is okay. YOU made the choice. One thing you need to remember though….EVERYONE is blessed with free will. This means you, yourself, do not have the right to force another to agree with your own decisions. Your religious choice, your health choices, your sexual preference….they are YOUR choices…and they do not have to be the same ones anyone else chooses. Nor do others choices need to have your agreement.

If you choose to eat a certain way due to a religious path…so be it. No one else has to choose your path or way of eating. Why? Because they have been blessed with free will. If your choices of sexual partners are not the same as anyone else’s…so what? You do you. They don’t have to agree with you. Why? Because they have free will. For some reason, many people in this world feel that everyone has to accept you AND agree with your decisions. Actually, that is incorrect. They do not HAVE to accept you and they do not HAVE to agree with you. Why? Because they have free will.

But remember, there is a price for exercising your free will. Sometimes you have to give up something to have keep your free will. Many people on this planet gave up their job because they were forced to have a medical procedure they did not agree with. They exercised their free will and walked away rather than have the medical procedure. Some people said they had no choice but to have the medical procedure. That is not true. They CHOSE to keep their current job and income by having that medical procedure. It was their choice. They could have made the choice to not get it…yes, they would have lost their income and home but….that is the funny thing about free will…sometimes the choice to exercise our free will is hard and we lose things.

You may feel that I have strayed from the point I was making at the beginning of this post…but I haven’t. What I am trying to convey to YOU is: You NEVER fail anyone but yourself. You fail when you do not honor your free will. This is why you need to try harder the next day. If someone is trying to tell you that you failed…did you? Or did you not agree to their opinion? See? They have free will to their opinion and you have free will to agree with them but….if you do not agree with what they are saying, then you did not fail. And failure is only temporary because tomorrow is a new day. A new start. And we all have free will to make the choices we want each and every day.

Tomorrow is a new day. Exercise your free will. If you are not happy with your choices….make better ones tomorrow. You will not fail if you keep trying.

to YOU…
to ALL…

Jason Shurka message

it is important to our world
don’t just sit there and wait for the daddy state to save you
they are part of the problem
they are not saving you
they do not care about you
if they did
they would allow you to
exercise your free will
but they aren’t…

I visited the EES center a third time. More to fix what I screwed up than anything else. You see, these visits…they have actually been helping me…helping my small intestine reduce the inflammation, which in turn, helps my hiatal hernia. Now, I am figuring out what I am doing incorrectly…why the pain comes back and it is all my fault. In order to maintain the anti-inflammatory effects of the EES, I need to change my daily habits. I need to eat smaller portions. I need to quit Starbuck’s completely, I need to follow an anti-inflammatory diet until I am fully healed. Maybe the habit of eating only whole foods will stick and I won’t have to worry about much of anything ever again. Well, old age but that would be a good thing to worry about. I am working towards healing myself…getting over the hump of eating processed foods is not hard for me but I do love to taste certain food items, like the Starbuck’s Pink Drink.

This visit…I once again felt the coolness, the feeling of more room in my intestines. Free-er breathing. It feels so good! I feel like my whole body is smaller…de-puffed. I felt the usual tingles in my face and at my hairline. I tried to focus on emptying my mind but…it was hard…there was a young girl there using the system….it was warm in the room but this girl was bundled like she was ready to hit the slopes. I was fascinated with all of the clothing she had on…hoodie, fur ruff hooded puffy coat, scarf…a padded and fuzzy eye covering…gloves, fuzzy socks, slippers…I was kinda warm and sweaty…she looked like she was headed to Antarctica.

I use the EES room for two hours. Some people are in the room for four hours or more. I have trouble being immobile for two hours…I highly doubt I could sit there for four. Reading other users testimonials implies that, the longer you are in there, the better the results. Does EES fix everything? I do not know. I know that it helps most people and if you never try it, you will never know if it can help you. I am a firm believer on trying things out for yourself. To not try all things available to you in your search for healing really does short-change yourself. If you base all of your opinions on somene elses view, your belief is weak..not yours…not based upon any truth. To go in with pre-conceived results is short-changing yourself too…have no expectations…after using it, take notice of things that are different. That is what you are looking for: changes. I hope that everyone who reads this tries the EES for at least, three two-hour sessions. I would love to hear waht you felt during and after the sessions.

How does one become a writer? Anyone can become a writer…getting published is another matter. As with most things in life, becoming a writer requires work…finding time to write each day…figuring out what to write about…is it interesting to others? I write a lot for my job…most times I have no desire to come home and write a blog piece…most times, I don’t have time to write. It is much easier for me to correspond with people through email….I love email conversations…I love answering people’s questions…sometimes, I send an email to my daughter just so I have someone to “talk” to….most times she never answers. Which is the same thing that happens on my blog….no one leaves comments or asks questions. I guess that is okay though…I’m mostly blogging to heal myself. This website seems to be morphing into a journal. I have many things to say but am having trouble putting them into words. I shall figure it out though. Eventually.

Next month I retire from my current job. A good paying job…I was asked by a co-worker what I was going to do once I retire…if I was going to find another job…I’m thinking…if I wanted to work, I’d stay where I am at because the pay is like no other. Even though I will have to be careful with my retirement income, I want to be able to volunteer someplace. Someplace that deals with the homeless or animals or visiting people who get no visitors…I want to be of help to someone. That is what I like to do in life…help people. I am hoping this blog site will help others someday.

Someday I would also like to make videos on Vimeo and post them here….there is so much to see on this planet and so much to talk about. Maybe one day I can do some interviews and post them here. I’m sure that are plenty of people who have something to say but their voice has been stifled over the years. Maybe I can help them feel heard.

Do you feel heard? Do people listen to what you say or do you feel like they are just waiting for you to stop talking so they can go on a different tangent and make it all about themselves? I think our planet is lacking in listeners….it’s a good skill to have…

Hmmm…this post was to be about becoming a writer….maybe I have just turned it into becoming a blatherer…..

Recently, I have been sought out by an ex. He apparently thinks I am his sounding board. I did not ask for this. Honestly…I do not care to read any journal entries as he tries to sort out his life. I truly do not care. Going on four decades and he still can’t get over the past? That isn’t my problem. I am not his family. I am not his friend. We are not together. I live on the West Coast. He lives on the East Coast. I like it this way. If all my exes would move to the East Coast, that would be fantastic! Or Alaska. I highly doubt I will ever visit Alaska. I would like to see the East Coast though. So maybe one ex ruining the East Coast is enough. He talks about “death do us part” and how he believed in our vows and that they meant something. I am unsure what he is referring to when he talks about death….is he suicidal? I am unsure. I do not suffer from any mental illnesses so I am unsure what he means when he says this. I’m mostly worried that he will show up in my driveway and have in his head that the only way we shall part is through our deaths. There seems to be a lot of murder-suicides showing up on the news lately. Should I be afraid? I don’t think he will harm me…he’ll probably only harm himself. I’m bummed that I had to block calls and texts from him…why couldn’t “leave me alone” be enough? Why do some people feel entitled to ignore your requests?

What I want to focus on is….here is a man who is stuck in the past….his future has not unfolded because he is wrapped up in something that never was. And most people who have suffered a trauma seem to be stuck in the past…either reliving the moment in time in which the trauma occurred or accusing their current relationship of the things that they themselves were accused of long, long ago. Stuck in a vicious loop…unable to move forward. Most people seem to treat their trauma with meds. I believe this to be a bad choice for a lot of people. It is a bandaid….numbing you from the pain you feel…it does not fix anything…it just allows you to exist but never thrive. But…since we are all here due to our choosing and we are living our lives through our own freewill…it isn’t up to me how someone gets through their daily existence.

For those who spend their days reliving their past….what are you gaining? How much time are you spending looking back instead of looking forward? How can you ever create new experiences when you keep bringing up things that have already happened? Just because some trauma happened does not mean the same thing is going to keep happening. You should be able to make better choices now because you have experience in living through this trauma. This is what we are supposed to do with life experiences…LEARN.

My life was turned upside down one time. I was in shocked for several months…trying to figure out what I did wrong or where I failed to see what was happening behind the scenes. I never figured it out but I still had to move on, right? Instead of spiraling into a depression, I chose to treat my chaos using a book called “Walking Your Blues Away” by Thom Hartmann. The process boils down to something similar to hypnosis but swinging your arms while walking creates a similar effect….the back and forth…one side of your brain talking to the other side of your brain…back and forth….allowing you to make your trauma “flat” so it does not give you the fight or flight syndrome. It is a very interesting process and it worked for me. On top of teaching me how to accept my current state of living, I lost a lot of weight from all of the walking. There are a lot of non-invasive treatments out there for depression and other types of trauma. You have to try them to see if they will work for you. If you make a judgement on a type of treatment without trying it out for several months….you just end up with an OPINION based upon nothing but your OPINION. Nothing fact based, which is really of no value to anyone. Opinions are like assholes…everyone has one. Is your opinion valuable to anyone if it has no facts to back it up? Nope.

How about Biofeedback? A fantastic treatment that can help those who have suffered emotional and physical traumas. You are exchanging your feeling about a trauma with another feeling that does not bring fear into your head…similar to Walking Your Blues Away…you are making the trauma flat, so it does not have an effect on you when you think about it. See…your brain does not know what is real and what isn’t…so you can change your story and live a better life.

If I can change my story, you can too. You just have to keep searching until you find the right treatment for you. Preferably something that does not have you ingesting man-made drugs on a daily basis.

I love you. Please take care of yourself.

….I don’t have to see all the things that cause me pain. If I close my eyes and put ear muffs on…I don’t have to hear all the things that cause me pain either. The blessed quiet..similar to floating in a lake….muffled noise….almost like there isn’t any noise at all…..the constant noise every day for hours on end… If I close my eyes and put my muffs on…I get to experience some peace…blessed peace…

Most of what I held dear has been taken away from me, if not physically…then emotionally. Things that made me happy have been criticized, belittled…cut down. Of course those things weren’t perfect, I know that, but they were mine. I’ve had to start over so many times…trying to not get attached to anything material because it can be gone in an instant.

If I close my eyes, I don’t have to see….if I close my heart, I don’t have to feel.

I am not good at being sick. I tell myself that I don’t have time to be sick and most of the time, I really don’t have the time to be laid up. Sometimes the Universe says, SCREW YOU, and throws something into your body that makes you stay at home, actually stay in the bed and eat very little. Thank you for nothing, Universe. I’ve no idea what bug has invaded my body but it won its mission. I went to be on Friday feeling like crap and couldn’t get out of bed all day Saturday and finally made it out of the sheets by 10:00 a.m. on Sunday…still feeling like shit but my body hurt so bad from laying prone for so long….I had to move. Any movement while standing made me dizzy and it is 11:49 a.m. on Monday and I am still dizzy. If I move slowly, I am able to move easily. It is easier to swallow now…not as much pain but still feels like I am swallowing over a bolder. And…due to the stress from being sick and being an inconvenience to my household, I developed a cold sore. Yippy fucking skippy.

I am wondering if using the EES system while I was at the beginning stages of sickness compounded my issues. The EES effects you at the cellular level and maybe it tweaked something to force me to get sick in hopes of fixing something else. One thing I have noticed is that my breathing is still free and clear…it feels so open. Usually I breathe and feel like my lungs don’t have enough room to expand but since visiting the EES, I seem to have more room in my body. Also, I noticed when I ate some chicken last night for dinner, it did not give me pain. I usually have pain in that hiatal hernia area whenever I eat meat or something really thick, like bread or boiled egg. Maybe this sickness allowed the inflammation in my body to continue decreasing. Wouldn’t it be nice if I can continue doing EES and fix my hiatal hernia? A good majority of people think only doctors can fix your body when it is broken. The medical establishment is great for emergencies but you were given a body with everything needed to keep it healthy and to repair injuries as they come up. We make ourselves sick by choosing processed foods and man-made quick meals. In the past I have tried to show people that the food they are eating aren’t good for them but they don’t want to believe it and don’t want to change. I used to get mad but now I just accept the fact that they will be sick for the rest of their lives and that is their path. I quit trying to help people. If they want to believe that when you get a certain age it is normal to take blood pressure meds, diabetic meds, cholesterol meds…so be it. It’s their money to waste and their life span to shorten. I know that society is going to get a clue one day about how the powers that be have been purposely making the people of this planet sick…it’s just a matter of time. I do hope though that I get to see it in my lifetime.